czarnulacom

Which path should I take? There are so many. How do I recognize where my soul truly calls…?

I close my eyes. Memories flicker like an old stop-motion film. I see gazes. I feel the touch of beloved hands. I hear the music of past wounds. Now I know. I will go to the place where the scent of damp wool escapes through the window. Where the muted light softly illuminates an old story. A story about a ball of yarn slipping onto the floor and happily rolling beneath my feet. Grandma fell asleep while knitting.

Just one more thing—adjust my shirt, glance into the mirror, and I’m off. Just one more thing—pack my suitcase and I’ll go. Just one more thing…

—I’m too tired. I can’t do this.

—Quiet!

I speak to my thoughts.

—Run away, wild imaginings!

I’ll walk toward the sun, where the light never fades. I’m coming. I’m rushing. Just one more thing…

—I can’t do this. I won’t.

I close my eyes. An unwanted tear finds its escape.

—I don’t want to go. I won’t go.

My thoughts churn like a mantra in the depths of my soul. I do not argue with them. I breathe.

Meanwhile, new memories pass like a mouse underfoot.

I see a meadow. I smell fresh hay. I hear music drifting from somewhere far away. My body freezes at the sound. The strings of a guitar caress a female voice. It’s my brother playing by the campfire, and I’m singing along.

I remember.

Now I will definitely go. I decide. I’ll do it quickly so my thoughts can…

—I’m not going. I don’t want to!

I sigh deeply, rising from the chair and heading toward the wardrobe. I pull out my suitcase. A few clothes.

—Can you hear me? I’m not going anywhere!

I say nothing. I pack despite the storm raging inside my mind.

—Hey! Don’t ignore us!

I only smile to myself and reach for the suitcase. The last rays of the sun filter through the curtain. I turn off the light. One last glance at the mirror hanging by the door.

—I’m not going anywhere! Period.

I open the door, letting the glow of the setting sun in. My gaze catches a frozen tear on my cheek. Like a diamond shimmering with all the colors of the rainbow. I freeze. In that one second, all the dark thoughts vanish. As if they never existed. Now I know.

And slowly, I close the door behind me.